Knight in Shining Armour
by Kitty-Wolf-Chan
Summary: Renei is just one girl in the medieval kingdom of Konoha. What makes her so different? Well, for one she's in an arranged marriage with Sasuke Uchiha. For another, to escape this organised fate, Renei has dressed up as a guy, wandering the streets- a woman on a mission, a girl with a dream. That is, until she forced to work as a stableboy. Did I mention her colleagues are men?
1. Chapter 1

**Knight in Shining Armour**

**Disclaimer: NO NARUTO FOR ME!**

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**Chapter One: When In Rome**

I'm here to tell you guys a tale. You can call it a love story, an adventure novel or even a comedy act. Honestly, I don't care, but I see it as the changing point of my life, the time when my world went spinning off in the wrong direction which eventually led to the right path, if that makes any sense at all.

I suppose we should start with the setting. It was some day during March in the jubilant city of Konoha when money was hard to get and woman were treated poorly. My dad was dead - had been for a while now - and mum was forced to support the family on her own. Do you know how hard that is when females are generally used as housewives? Extremely. Taxes were a complete bitch to hand in when the time came around and food was becoming scarce.

Oh yeah, and there was that fact that I was due to be wedded to a pompous, antisocial bastard, Sasuke Uchiha. Identifying trait? That 50 foot steel pole stuck up his emo ass. Likes? Avenging. Dislikes? Many, many things (probably including me). Hobbies? Tending to his duck-butt hairstyle.

And what about me? Did I want to marry this Uchiha ice Princess? No. I didn't even want to be married for Gods sakes! I didn't need a man in my life and I certainly didn't need him.

Okay, I know what you're thinking. How about something along the lines of: "Oh my gee! This must be one of those romantic love stories where they have an arranged marriage and hate each other but then they love each other and have hot sex and cute babies!" First of all, ew. No. Just...no. Seriously, I worry for you people. Crazy bitches.

So, what does a girl do when she's got an arranged marriage on her hands?

Dress up as a guy, of course.

When I had come up with this whole 'cross-dress' thing, I had thought it'd be easy. Move house, get comfortable, find a job and support myself until my fiancé had forgotten all about the marriage (which I highly doubted, but still, one can dream).

It was, however so much more difficult than I imagined. For instance, did you know that houses cost a lot of money? And did you know that teenage girls of this sexist time didn't normally have that money?

Thus, I made a habit of sleeping in wheat fields where farmers would chase me out come morning with weapons/tools in hand.

Another problem that had slapped me in the face is that I needed food to survive and without money, I could buy no food or other resources as such.

Well...stealing's okay, right?

Those were just a few of the negatives to 'winging it' out on my own. Sure, I had the old clothes my father wore to hide my figure, a knife to keep my hair at a considerably male-like length and a piece of rope, but I'd still struggle to find my way.

Now, for example.

"Get out of my crops, you god damn menace!"

I was awoken by the sounds of men chasing me with their ever-handy pitchforks.

"FUCKSHITDAMNCRAPFUCK!" I cried, leaping to my feet. After a few weeks of becoming accustomed to this, my waking reflexes had rapidly increased.

Without a second thought, I sprinted across the field, my chasers in tow. They couldn't catch me. My long legs and youthful spirit would leave them eating my dust! How else do you think I'd managed to steal so many things? I was unstoppable! Not even a tall oak tree could stop me in my wake! I was bound to g-

_Tree._

I landed on my ass, rubbing my head sorely in an attempt to rid myself of the pins and needles from the collision. My chasers were gaining. I could hear their voices grow louder, less distant. The only way out would be that conveniently-placed hole under that conveniently-placed wall.

Huh. How convenient.

I shimmied my way through the hole, thanking my lucky stars for my feminine figure and lack of large breasts. I let out a relieved sigh as I made it through and did a little victory dance, poking my tongue out in their general direction.

"TAKE THAT, SUCKERS!" I shrieked, flipping them the birdy. I was surprised to say the least when I didn't hear anything in return. No shouts of anger, no snarky remarks, nothing, just the steady thumping of my heart and my ragged breathing.

As I spun on my heels, my face came into contact with something hard, moving and certainly alive. I groaned in annoyance and blinked as I wiggled my nose. "Ah fuck," I growled. "That hurt."

My green eyes drifted up to meet pale, empty ones. Long brown hair cascaded from the girl's (strangely sharp-featured), pale face as she glared at me sternly.

"A-Ah," I stammered, assuming my macho, deep-voice. "I apologize, Miss. I wasn't aware of where I was going."

The voice that returned was chilling and unusually manly. "I'm not a female."

Ah, that would be why.

I cocked my head to the side in confusion. "Are you sure? I could've sworn..." I pressed my hands to her, er, his chest and my eyebrows shot up to my hairline. "Will you look at that. No boobs. You're right."

It wasn't my fault his incredibly feminine features and long hair led to gender-confusion. Anyone could've gotten that wrong. It wasn't because I was thick or anything.

"Well, it was nice meeting you, Mi- I mean, Sir, but I should really be off..." Just as I began to walk away, a handful of my hair was yanked forcefully and I bit back a strangled yelp.

"What are you doing here, commoner?" the man-possible-transvestite asked, his voice horrifyingly cold.

I winced as his grip remained unforgiving. "I, um, I got lost," I replied sheepishly.

"And that would be why I saw you crawl through the hole beneath this wall, I assume? Accidentally, of course."

A nervous chuckle escape my lips. "Yes...?"

His glare only hardened and he tugged me in the direction of a large castle, leaving me the only option of following in tow, all the while hoping I could kick him in his manly-bits - if he had any that was.

Then, a wave of terror washed over me as I came to a sudden realization.

_Castle_. There was only one castle in the whole area and that- that belonged to the Queen.

'_Ah crap, I'm on Royal territory,_' I thought. Yep, I was effectively screwed, and quite possibly dead by the end of the day. This guy was undoubtedly a knight, a part of the court or a lord of some sort.

Either that or one of the maids.

"So," I said awkwardly, my scalp practically searing in pain. "Since you're my kidnapper, do I at least get the _honour_-" I drawled the word with about as much sarcasm as I could muster, which is a lot, you know. "-of knowing your name?"

I was greeted with uncooperative silence and a hard yank of my hair. Looks like someone's PMSing and it sure as Hell ain't me.

"Well, I suppose I should introduce myself." _Despite the rule 'ladies first', asswipe_. "I'm Renei a, er, stableboy from another village," I lied smoothly.

Mr Shemale grunted in what I guessed was some kind of reply. This guy was almost as much of an ass as Sasuke. Almost. He was definitely up there in the ranks.

A pregnant pause followed as we trudged through the courtyard, heading for the towering castle overhead, and surely, my death. I let out a pessimistic sigh. Dear Kami, please look after my mum and kill that bastard Sasuke so he doesn't, I dunno, rape her or something. Also, fu-

"Neji."

Buh?

"Bless you," I said, nodding solemnly.

He let out an irritated huff. "My name's Neji Hyuuga. Don't make me have to repeat it."

In any other circumstance, I would've grinned brightly and clasped my hands together in excitement, but with this guy…

I blinked. "What crawled up your ass and died?"

I have such a way with men.

Neji scoffed at my crude words, his scowl only deepening. If my fate hadn't already been sealed with the noose (or axe), it definitely was now.

We entered two large doors, adorned with gold and silver. I had a few microseconds to marvel it before I was forcefully shoved into a humungo room, a busty lady with blonde hair sitting at the end in a pretty chair. Now where had I seen her before?

"Bow before the Queen," Neji hissed, kicking me in the back of my knees as so I fell to the ground.

Oh…so that's who she was…

She looked just about (and this is as politely as I can put it) hammered, her crown crooked on her head and a lazy grin spread across her face. Her hiccupping confirmed my hypothesis and also, there was that bottle of sake in her hand to contemplate.

"My Queen," said Neji, bowing appropriately. Kiss-ass. "This stableboy – Renei, he says his name is – intruded our estate. He must be punished for this crime."

Queen Tsunade snorted, giggling drunkenly. "He's cute. Is he your gay lover?"

Neji appeared slightly flustered and angry at this statement as I snickered quietly. Unfortunately (wow, I don't get that much fortune these days, do I?), he heard me and gave me a sharp kick in the side. A breath of air rushed from my lungs and I glared up at him, snarling slightly.

Tsunade delicately arched a curved eyebrow. "It appears not…"

This woman was precisely why our country was falling into poverty.

"So, the punishment?" Neji ground out between clenched teeth.

She stroked her non-existent beard, contemplating my fate (or the ways to murder me, no doubt). "A stableboy, you say?" she questioned, suddenly extremely sober. "Well, as they say. When in Rome…"

_Do as the Romans do_.

Ah, fuck.

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**(A/N *Shoots self for the cheesy title* Oh man, what was I on when I made this. Seriously. Something must be wrong with me. _**

**Renei's such a cheerful character! So full of optimism and fluffy, lollipop-licking kittens! She really does try her hardest to see the bright side of life! **

**I'm kidding. She's a pessimistic, hating bitch with sarcasm issues :D**

**I'd like it if you reviewed, you know, so I can see if this is a fail or not. BTW, this is not (as far as I've plotted it) a NejixOC fic. It might be later, but I don't think so…I just like making fun of him~! ^^)**

**~Kitty**


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer: I own nussing! *says in Shultz accent***

**Chapter Two: Stablemen**

Seriously, _how _had I gotten myself into this mess?

One of the maids - Ami, I believe her name was – glared heatedly at me, her lips fixed into a deep scowl and her purple hair tied in a neat bun. "I don't even know why I'm here," she complained. "My uniform is getting dirty and these idiot animals absolutely _stink_."

This charming girl was my escort, ordered to give me an explicit tour of the royal estate before dropping me off at the stables where I would tend to the knights' horses. What she didn't know was that I didn't know the first thing about these majestic beasts. I barely knew the head from the rear.

I glanced nervously at one of the horses, its large, brown eyes gazing at me with what looked to be curiosity. It was probably actually wondering whether my flesh tasted good or not.

Ami groaned and pointed to some racks. "There's all the equipment you'll need," she huffed, her voice annoyingly high-pitched.

You know what? This slut probably knew more about horses than me.

Hearing footsteps, I snapped my head around to see two guys about my age. Admittedly enough, they were cute at first glance. One bore a rather rugged look with light blue hair an unusually shark-like grin whilst the other looked quite placid, gravity-defying locks of orange sticking out at odd angles. They were quite the pair.

"That's the other two stableboys," Ami scoffed, her dainty nose held high in the air. "Suigetsu and Juugo. They'll help you with anything else." She left with a huff, each step elegant and graceful. She reminded me of one of those show horses, ironically enough.

Now that I saw them up close, the two boys seemed slightly menacing. Juugo stood a fair height over me and that smile of Suigetsu's…it was kind of creepy.

Pfft, like I was going to run with my tail between my legs because of these _males_anyway.

"So you're the new runt, eh?" Suigetsu said, looking me up and down like a vulture observing its prey.

I scoffed at his behaviour, clearly unimpressed. "What's it to you?"

Juugo rolled his topaz eyes at the two of us, already bickering in the first minute of becoming acquainted. He appeared to be the quiet, sensible one of him and Suigetsu. Thank _God _for that.

"Well it'd be nice to know about the new meat around here, don'tcha think?" Suigetsu retorted.

I glared profusely at him, practically bristling. Man, did he know how to get under a girl's- I mean…a boy's skin. "And you would know everything about meat, wouldn't you Sharkboy?" I spat venomously.

He arched an eyebrow, a smile of amusement crossing his lips. "You've got spunk, kid. I-ˮ

"I'm not a kid," I snarled.

"Oh?" he said. "Aren't you like, twelve?"

"I'm seventeen, dickhead."

He laughed boisterously, holding his gut as trembles of amusement coursed through his body. I fumed, glaring daggers at the blue-haired stableboy. Who did he think he was, honestly? I doubt the knights had as much of an ego as this idiot.

"My apologies. You're just a little…" he patted me on the head, sizing me up to him. "Short."

I huffed and crossed my arms. "My name's Renei," I scowled.

He grinned goofily and slung an arm around my shoulders. I bit back a string of curses that threatened to spill from my lips as I shrugged him off. "Welcome to the stablemen!" he exclaimed.

I snorted. "Stable_men_?"

Juugo smiled. "Well we're not exactly boys now, are we?"

'_No, no you're not_,' I thought, looking the two lean, toned males up and down in approval. Thankfully, they didn't notice me checking them out. That probably wouldn't have gone over that well.

I nodded in agreement, deciding to keep my mouth shut as so I didn't get _too _far on their bad side. I'd need their help with caring for the horses anyway and if I found them trustworthy enough…well, we'd see.

Suigetsu began circling me, head held high as he half-marched, half-swaggered. "Okay, since you're a part of the stable_men _now, I'm going to have to lay down a few ground rules and basics for you, rookie," he said, eyes watching my every move in amusement. "Rule nombre uno, you may refer to me and my buddy Juugo here as 'master'. Your thoughts?"

"Like that's ever going to happen."

"Yeah, I kind of guessed that'd be your answer. Rule two, if a girl comes up to talk to you, you send her to me."

There'd be no problems with that one.

"Rule Three is of upmost importance- you _must not_ make Juugo angry. No ifs, buts or maybes."

I cast my eyes over to the orange-haired man cautiously who nodded solemnly, genuine honesty held behind his golden eyes. What would happen if I made him mad? I mean, first of all, he doesn't seem like the type of guy that gets pissed off easily.

As though sensing my unspoken question, Juugo spoke for the first time since I'd met him. "I have…issues, you could say," he said calmly, head bowed.

"What kind of issues?" I asked curiously.

I was suddenly bombarded by Suigetsu as he caught me in a headlock, ruffling my hair joyously. "Now, now Renei, you talk too much! We're going to have to fix that if you're to hang with the stablemen!"

I had a feeling that Suigetsu was trying to change the subject, but shrugged it off. I'd ask Juugo later since he appeared to be the more relaxed, approachable one. Anyway, Suigetsu was –to put it bluntly- annoying. I feel sorry for the poor chick that'll have to put up with him in the future.

"Now that we've got the rules down, I should probably give you a little information about this place, eh?" he said, smirking. "For one, the knights often drop by to collect their horses and bond with them, et cetera, so don't be surprised if some come round. Most of them are pretty bad, but I'm sure you'll get along with them just _fine_."

In other words, these knights were going to use me as their form of entertainment for the next few days until they got bored. I rolled my eyes and stepped away from Suigetsu, taking a spot beside Juugo as I leaned against the wall. A horse nickered to my left and I couldn't help but shuffle away. I would've completely missed that unimportant sentence in the story had it not led to my certain demise.

"Hey, it's not going to bite," said Juugo softly.

I chuckled nervously. Juugo was too smart for his own good. I mean, I had _one _idiot, but it'd be so much easier if there were two. "Of course! Horses are herbivores! I knew that…"

The orange-haired man arched an eyebrow sceptically. That was one strike for me. If only I were just a _little _more fluent with lying.

Suddenly, the door to the stable swung open and a familiar figure stepped in, glaring at anything that dared look upon his beautiful, silky brown locks of justice.

Yeah, it was Neji.

His pale eyes locked with my hazel ones before a scowl made its way to his lips. He snapped his head towards Suigetsu who was going on about how 'Nej-Dogger had arrived'.

"I'm simply here to observe how well you and Renei have become acquainted," he spat. Someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed today. "And _do not_ call me that again, boy. My name is Neji and you shall address me that way. Unless you wish to call me 'Master Hyuuga', that is."

Suigetsu shut his mouth, but I have a feeling he made a face when Neji turned his gaze to me and Juugo.

"Don't make Queen Tsunade regret her decision," he hissed, before spinning on his heel and storming out, but not before calling, "The knights will also be here tomorrow to become familiar with you. Make a good first impression, brat."

That was brief. And extremely pleasant. Please, note the heavy sarcasm laden in my voice.

Suigetsu nudged me in the ribs, his signature, toothy smirk on his lips as he gave me a '_you're in trouble~'_ kind of look. "The trial of passage," he said, continuing to nudge me. "Have fun with that."

"I know I'm going to regret this, but I dare ask, what is the trial of passage?"

He shrugged. "I dunno. I just made the name up because it sounds cool."

I repressed the urge to smack my forehead with the palm of my hand, letting out a dreary groan of annoyance. In the corner of my eyes, I saw Juugo smile softly as he petted the mare-stallion-horse-thing opposite me. It's good to know he was amused by this.

"There are a few knights you should probably watch out for," Suigetsu added cheerfully, taking a seat on a wooden crate. "There're the annoying, idiot ones such as Kiba Inuzuka, Naruto Uzumaki and Rock Lee."

I nodded, storing the information in the back of my mind for later use. I doubted they'd be as annoying or idiotic as this guy though. Friggin' Moron.

"Then there are the few nice ones that will give you a little bit of slack, but don't be too expectant because of your attitude. Those are Chouki Akimichi and Shikamaru Nara."

Juugo decided to add his piece of knowledge as I soaked this all up. "Shikamaru's an extremely intelligent knight. Be sure not to judge him by his laziness, and whatever you do, don't call Chouji fat. Might as well call it a death wish if you do."

"Yeah, whatever. I'll watch my piehole."

"Finally, there's the cold, unforgiving ones. You've obviously already met Nej-Dogger-ˮ

Somewhere in the Royal Estate, a certain Hyuuga sneezed.

"And Shino's a creepy kind of guy, so you should probably keep an eye on him too. Sai fits into the same genre and finally, the apparently 'strongest' of this generation of knights is Sasuke Uchiha, last member of his clan -apart from his murderer brother, of course."

Time seemed to freeze as that name was spoken. Even Suigetsu appeared to take notice of my sudden deer-in-the-headlights aura.

"What, do you know him, Ren?"

Oh, _if only they knew_.

**(A/N: Gasp! Such a short chapter! It's probably because I wrote most of this late at night, deprived of sleep and I made sure that not much would occur. The big stuff's for next chapter!**

**Review, my lovelies, or be perved on by the idiot, Suigetsu! Or you might, you know, be fed to the supposedly carnivorous demon-horses, as Ren proclaims.)**

**~Kitty**


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer: Do I _look _like a male, Japanese manga creator to you?**

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**Chapter Three: All the King's Horses and all the King's Men**

As the day passed, no one became aware of my secret identity, nor the fact that I knew little to nothing about horses. I even learnt a few things- thank god for that.

One downside to being a simple stableboy, I learnt, was that you slept in the stables, with two other guys. A certain individual in who snores like a thunderstorm. No prizes for guessing who.

Another con to this _luxurious _life is the bedding. Juugo had told me that I'd get used to the itchy-scratchy straw eventually, but I honestly wasn't so sure. I'd have an aching spine for weeks because of the stupid hay- not that crop fields were any better.

As I woke up in the morning, I almost shrieked as I found two, toned arms wrapped around my waist. Any girl's dream? I think not.

I growled as I realised it was Suigetsu. Again. Apparently he had a tendency to hug people and Juugo had so graciously handed over the title of 'teddy bear' to me. It wouldn't be so bad if the guy didn't sleep like a freaking grizzly.

"_Suigetsu_," I hissed, careful not to wake Juugo up. "Get _off _me, you lump of lard."

He groaned and rolled over, bringing me with him. Boy was this guy strong for someone who was practically a log when asleep. I glared at the horses in who almost seemed to be snickering at me. It was _not _funny, damn it, least of all for me.

'_I didn't want it to come to this, but…' _

I kneed Suigetsu in the groin, effectively waking him up immediately as he let out an indignant squeak. Later on, he tried to convince me that only men squeak with that amount of manliness. It proved to be extremely amusing.

"What was that for?!" he exclaimed, his voice high-pitched as he clutched his manly-bits in pain.

"You were hugging me," I deadpanned. "I don't appreciate people hugging me." _Especially when I'm _trying _to hide my boobs, bastard._

"You could've just waked me up!"

"You were practically _dead_ with the exception of your irritating snoring- which could, come to think about it, wake the dead," I retorted snappishly.

"Well I wouldn't _be _so sleepy if you weren't such a brat to look after!"

"This is coming from the king of assholery himself!"

"Excuse me? Like you're one to-ˮ

"Shut _up, _you two!" Juugo snapped from opposite us. Instantly, our lips were drawn shut and we peered over to see the enraged orange-haired male, glaring at us lividly.

"Yes sir…" I whimpered, a little frightened by his sudden violent appearance.

Note to self: _Really _don't piss Juugo off.

As Juugo rolled over, falling back to sleep, Suigetsu steadily got to his feet and brushed the straw from his jeans. He narrowed his eyes at me, glaring a little before the corners of his lips twitched into a smirk. That couldn't be good.

"You ready for the trial of passage?" he whispered. "It'll start any moment~"

I blinked sleepily. "The trial of wha-?" It was then that I remembered what Neji had said yesterday. My eyes widened and I quickly shot to my feet, raking the straw from my hair with my fingers and doing my best to clean up. "Why didn't you tell me sooner?!"

"I'm sorry. I was too busy writhing in pain."

I scowled harshly at him. Bloody Suigetsu, bloody royals, _bloody hay_. It was only my second day of even _being _a stableboy/girl and already, I was going to make a fool of myself in front of the _Queen's knights_. I think God got a kick out of watching me flop around life like a retarded fish. There was no other plausible reason for it.

I picked the stray bits of straw from my pathetic excuse for clothing – it was more like a potato sack- and dusted my brown hair from my eyes. Should I go for the cool approach, the friendly approach or the tough approach? Or should I just be myself?

…Don't answer that. That last question was just stupid.

And then there was _Sasuke U-freaking-chiha _to worry about. You know, my fiancé, my to-be-wedded, my _future husband_? Any of this ring a bell or two? If he recognised me – which no doubt, he would - my life would be ruined. Forever. I would go down in history as 'the girl who failed' because I simply suck that much.

"Jeez, Renei. You're so stressed about this," Suigetsu said, leaning against a wooden post as he chewed on some wheat. "When I had the trial of passage, I didn't care at all."

'_Which is probably why they dislike you,' _I thought dryly, sending him a quick glare.

Suddenly, an ingenious idea struck my mind like a cannonball firing through a rowing boat. I looked over to Suigetsu sheepishly and walked up to him. He grunted and raised an eyebrow.

"What do you want?"

I gave him my best bambi eyes. "Can I ask a favour?"

Another grunt. "Depends what it is."

"Well…" I laughed nervously and rubbed the back of my neck. "You see, Sasuke Uchiha and I aren't exactly on _good terms_, but last time I saw him, I looked real different, but he still might be able to recognise me so, I was wondering if you could pretend I was blind and tie a piece of cloth around my eyes?"

Suigetsu smirked and gave a non-committal shrug of his shoulders, snatching the rag from my hands. "Whatever, but you owe me, brat."

I gritted my teeth at the nickname, but stubbornly ignored it. He tied the band around my eyes and all I could see, was total blackness. Good for my disguise, but not so good for my sight. How the Hell was I going to pull this off without making myself look like a complete dork?

I heard footsteps and swivelled my head in the direction. I heard Neji as he drew closer. Apparently he was explaining the situation to his colleagues. The familiar sound of feet hitting straw sounded, followed by Neji's voice once more.

"Renei, what's that around your eyes?"

"She's bl-ˮ I slapped a hand over what I estimated to be Suigetsu's mouth. Turned out it was his forehead, but…I was close.

I tugged it down, smiling sheepishly at Neji and the men behind him. "It helps me sleep," I lied smoothly.

The Hyuuga huffed as I undid the cloth completely, shooting Suigetsu a look that said 'shut up, or next time I'll accidentally hit a little lower'. He rolled his purple optics at me, a scowl fixated on his features.

I quickly scanned through the knights, noting with happiness that there was no Sasuke. Maybe he'd died on his way to work…?

Yeah. Right.

Nevertheless, I could successfully consider that disaster averted for now. Now I just needed to suffer this 'Trial of Passage' crap. This was bound to be _fun_. Heavy sarcasm is evident.

I scanned over the mass of knights, most of them tall and pretty good-looking. I felt substantially small and unclean in their wake, barely reaching to their eye level and covered in grime, mud and straw. They looked me over like vultures eyeing a carcass, consuming me in their predatory gaze. If they looked predatory now, I couldn't imagine how they would look at me if they knew I was a girl.

I smiled awkwardly and gave a weak wave of my hand. "Umm…hi?"

There were only six of them, but considering there was only one of me I felt like a lone zebra foal, cornered by a hungry pack of hyenas. It made sense. Even their laughs reminded me of the spotted canines.

A bedazzling grin was sent my way, courtesy of a guy clad in green…I don't even know _what _kind of clothing that was, but it was _incredibly tight _and not easy on the eyes either. Not to mention his incredibly bushy eyebrows and bowl-cut hair. Bowl-cut, I tell you! Where have the fashion police been with this guy?! (Not that I was much better).

"It's nice to meet you Sir Renei!"

I felt a bashful blush paint my cheeks a faint pink, but soon batted it away. I had never been addressed in such a formal way in my life, lest it be from Sasuke, but even he barely showed any recognition to my existence. He was an Uchiha. I heard that their vocabulary limited to 'hn' and 'aa'.

"The pleasure's all mine Sir…?"

"Rock Lee!" Cue another blinding grin.

"Uh, right. Sir Lee," I drawled, holding back as much sarcasm as possible. I turned my head to the others, eyes not quite meeting their intense gazes. "Will you do me the honour of speaking your names, sirs?"

As much as this kiss-ass attitude wasn't my style I'd have to suck it up if I wanted to get in these guys good books. I certainly didn't want to end up like Suigetsu. _Ever_. I'd like to keep my dignity intact, thank you very much.

Out of the corner of my eyes, I noticed Neji sending me an accusing glare. His pale eyes looked as though they were trying to impale my internal organs just with a look. Discreetly, I sent him a charming grin. I wasn't just about to display my true personality whilst I was outnumbered. I'm not an idiot. I'd pick them off one-by-one.

Clearing his throat, the tallest one decided to speak up. He had round glasses and a green hood. His aura read as mysterious straight off the bat, though with someone who concealed most of their looks that was expected. "I am Shino Aburame," he said in a monotone, his voice level and calm. It sent chills down my spine, in all honesty.

"Chouji Akimichi."

I averted by eyes from Shino to meet black optics. A warm, hearty smile was present on the boy's lips as he stuck out a hand for me to shake. Glad that one of the knights welcomed me with open arms, I took his hand in mine, returning his smile with a grin. "I'm sure you've already heard, but I'm Renei," I said.

"What, no last name?" Chouji joked.

_Quick, think of something fast! _"Uh, no. I'd rather not speak my family name in fear that I would bring shame."

I am _smoooottthhhhhhh_.

Unfazed by my words, Chouji simply grinned. "Nevertheless, it's nice to meet you."

"The pleasure is all mine, Sir Chouji," I responded politely.

"No need for formalities, just call me Chouji. Everyone else does."

"Please, it's my-"

I was cut off by a certain brown-haired knight. He had red triangle tattoos on his cheeks and slit pupils. Were those fangs?! No, I must've been imagining things. Last time I checked, there was no such thing as vampires or werewolves or whatever he _could _be. He practically forced his way between Chouji and I, earning a pout from the chubby, if jolly man. "You're too modest for your own good, Chouji. He's a stableboy and should be treated like a stableboy," he snorted. "Besides, it's time for the big boys to introduce themselves."

I bristled and opened my mouth to backchat with a snappy retort when someone beat me to it, Shino. "I don't recall anyone using the term 'Big Boys' for you and Shikamaru, Kiba."

"Last time I checked, you two were known as the lazyass and the mutt of the team," Suigetsu added.

A sharp glare was sent his way, courtesy of 'Kiba'. I allowed a small smirk on my lips as I folded my arms over my wrapped chest. Sometimes I was glad to have Suigetsu around – _sometimes_.

"Whatever," the brunette scoffed. His eyes flickered across the room to become trained on me. I instantly dropped the cocky atmosphere and gained an innocent one. Though I was almost sure he caught on due to the scowl on his lips. This was the first guy I was gonna give Hell with the exception of Neji. "I'm Kiba Inuzuka. You probably heard about me-"

Suigetsu muttered something about dog-boy under his breath.

"-and you're sure to hear more." The tone of his voice indicated that he was trying hard to contain his anger. I almost snickered. Heck, I _did _snicker.

He jabbed a thumb in the other boy's direction. This guy had his hair fashioned into a pineapple shape and he was currently leaning against the wall, snoozing. This was a nice welcome party indeed. "That's Shikamaru Nara, who is indeed the lazyass of the team."

A swift hit over the back of the head cut off Kiba as he yelped indignantly. Neji, having dealt justice, cleared his throat, glaring at the 'mutt'. "He's also the genius of the team with the highest IQ – something in which you lack _a lot _of Kiba."

This instantly shut the brunette up, to my amusement. You hear that? _That's _the sound of sweet, sweet silence. I think I could even hear the faintest chimes of victory. Take _that _cocky jerkface!

Or in his case, _jerky_face. See what I did there? Dogs eat jerky, he's got something canine going on? Huh, huh?

God, I have _got _to find myself some better jokes.

I bowed in accordance to the situation, as I was a mere servant in their wake – bleh, did I seriously just say that? Well either way, I was still on a lower standing to them and was required to show respect, much to my distaste.

"It's been a pleasure meeting you all," I said as I straightened.

Some nodded in response, others grin and the minority scowled. I felt a wave of relief wash over me knowing that only one or two disliked me. I didn't even _know _Shikamaru's opinion considering he was still napping like an old lady, but what can you do?

"We'll be seeing a lot more of each other!" Chouji exclaimed. "Considering you look after our horses and will have to equip them, care for them, lead them, et cetera."

_Great_. Just what I always wanted – to be surrounded by several stuck-up knights. I don't even want to mention what will happen when the Uchiha boy's around. I was lucky to get away with it today.

"Have a good day!" Lee added before they spun on their heels and left, leaving me behind with Suigetsu and Juugo.

Suigetsu made a face at their backs, pushing the tip of his nose up in a pig-like impression. I allowed a small chuckle to leave my lips as he did so.

He turned to me as they disappeared around a corner and clicked his tongue, crossing his arms over his chest. He brought a hand up and ruffled my hair, much to my annoyance. "I'm sorry, Ren, but it looks like you didn't do as well as I did – though that would be quite the feat if you did."

"Son of a-ˮ

Sometimes I wonder whether running away had been a good idea or not.

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**Friggin FINALLY. I'm sorry for the wait guys. I got assignments, then exams, then NaNoWriMo, and lately bogus art requests from my friends, not pointing any fingers. –coughNINJAROXcough-. All that matters is it's here though, so enjoy!**

**Review or…er…face Lee's bushy brows and horrifying spandex…?**

**~Kitty-Wolf-Chan**


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer: I wouldn't be writing this as **_**fanfiction **_**if I owned Naruto**

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**Chapter Four: Busted**

Do you know how hard it is to keep up a reputation of being a stableboy? Of course you don't. I can see you already. You're sitting comfortably in your house using your little story-device as you read my tragic tale. Not to mention that you're _clean_. So what if you didn't have a shower last night? I hadn't had one in _over six weeks_.

The Knights were beginning to have better-looking legs than me. Heck, they did have better-looking legs than mine. My legs were covered in grime from hip to toe and my feet stunk of horse dung. Sure, the hair wasn't too bad but that was only because Suigetsu was a bitch and enjoyed picking at them to hear me squeak.

I swore I was going mad.

There were few that kept me from falling into sanity. Juugo, for example was nice to talk to when Suigetsu was getting out of hand considering he'd known the guy for a while. Then, when all else failed, I'd go to Chouji or Neji. I know, I know; 'Why Neji? Isn't he like, a complete asshole?'. Well, he is but if I go and consult him, I know it'd piss him off. When he gets pissed off, it makes me feel better. See how it all works out?

I was doing my daily chores when Suigetsu, from his bed in the hay, cracked open an eye and glanced at me, a piece of wheat situated between his lips. "Yo, Ren," he said. "Could you do me a favour and exercise the horses for today?"

I growled in annoyance. Like I didn't have enough work already. Now I saw why females preferred to be housewives. "Isn't that the knight's jobs?"

"Well yeah, but some of them are out on a mission and one of the knights injured their mare a little so we have to kind of rehabilitate her nice and steady."

Breathe in, breath out. Calm, Renei. You are calm like the gentle breeze, even if that gentle breeze can easily turn into tornado with the right weather requirements and wreak havoc across an area.

Screw it all.

Throwing my shovel down, I marched over and glared at Suigetsu. Sparks were flying, and not the good type either. Juugo, spotting a potential argument, tensed in his position across the room, ready to leap into action if required.

"Do it yourself," I snarled between gritted teeth.

Arching an eyebrow, Suigetsu propped himself up and glared right back up at me, defiantly holding his position. God, he was a mule. He was a stubborn, bitchy mule with attitude problems. If you thought I disliked horses earlier, you should see how I am with mules.

"Someone's PMSing today," he said smugly.

That's it. I was going to slap him in the face. With a riding crop. Armed with needles.

"Ugh, whatever," I snapped, throwing my hands into the air in defeat.

His grin only widened at my surrender, irritating me further. So naturally, I stormed out with an irritated huff. I wouldn't be going back there until twilight. It wasn't like I couldn't handle his mocking personality and laziness (well, I couldn't, but I'm trying to make a point). It was just the fact that I was his personal slave. If you've ever been a slave before, you'll know that it isn't any fun.

I made my way out to the arena, muttering under my breath about arrogant assholes and how the world would be better off without them. As if my life wasn't hard enough, but I had Suigetsu, the Knights and _everyone else _to deal with. You'd think that since I was poor, destined for a terrible fate and to top it all off, a guy that's a girl, God would give me a little slack.

But no.

Several horses were lined up in the arena. Having been a stableman for quite some time, I recognised most of them. I could even put names to some of the faces.

"Hey, girl," I cooed to one of the mares, patting her muscular neck. She whinnied and tossed her black mane in response, nuzzling my hand for perhaps a treat.

It was strange how over the path of a few weeks, I'd gotten to know these animals and even like some of them. I had originally imagined them as cold-blooded predators, but I now found they were quite the opposite – with the exception of a selected few.

I inspected the mare's leg, discovering that she was the 'injured one' as Suigetsu had so informatively put it. It wasn't too serious, it seemed. She'd probably just pulled something. It happened all the time when they were racing out with their riders into battle.

I knew this horse well in particular. She was pretty sweet and we got along. She wasn't stubborn, or a pain like some of the others and I had discovered a few days after meeting that her name was Yorukage, befitting of her dark coat.

I clicked my tongue. "Those knights should really look after you a little better."

"I think you'd find that we look after our horses extremely well."

Unready for the response, I jumped a little and whipped my head around. I took me a few seconds, but I recognised the boy as 'the lazy genius' Shikamaru. I'd only met him once or twice considering he'd claimed that it was 'too troublesome' to engage with anyone, but Chouji tended to drag him along – awake or asleep.

"A-ah," I stuttered. Not knowing the guy very well, I was unsure if he was a dick or a gentleman. Knights tended to swing either way. "I didn't mean any offense-"

"Tch. Troublesome boy."

I take that back. I did mean offense.

"So, this is your horse?" I questioned uncertainly. He was silent, giving a small nod in reply. Look out, guys. This one's a chatterbox. "She's…nice…" I finished lamely.

"Yeah," He murmured.

So, maybe I'd been a bit judgmental when I'd presumed that 99% of the Knights were jerks/weirdos. Shikamaru didn't seem half-bad. The only problem was his genius. If I wasn't too careful, he'd discover my identity and like Hell I wanted that to happen.

As I began to hook Yorukage up to a halter, I watched the lazy genius out of the corner of my eyes, making sure he wasn't going to pull a fast one on me. Living with Suigetsu, you tended to learn that 'better safe than sorry' is the rule of life.

"I know who you are," he suddenly said.

I totally jinxed myself, didn't I?

I stiffened in the spot, keeping my eyes locked on his dark ones, daring him to say more. Yoru nickered impatiently and pawed the ground, anxious to get out and run, but we had to sort this out.

"Unlike the others, I'm not an idiot," he continued. "You're a female."

It wasn't a question.

I stood frozen, my mind going into hyperdrive in an attempt to find a solution to this mess. I thought I'd fooled everyone, but I knew this guy would be trouble the moment Chouji had claimed that his IQ was higher than 200.

Stubbornly, I decided to defend myself. It was time to swallow some pride. "If you want to insult me, just go straight up and call me an ass, would you? I mean seriously. A girl? Psh, that's worse than filth." Ah, god. What was I doing?

A lazy smirk made its way to Shikamaru's lips, making me want to slap it right off him. What was so funny?!

"You're a girl, alright."

I growled. "So what? Are you going to tell your little Neji-leader, or better yet, the Queen? Because I swear-"

"Nope."

What?

"I'm not going to tell anyone," Shikamaru said with a nonchalant shrug. "Since you're dressed up as a guy there must be a reason for it. Let alone having the guts to insult your own gender. That had got to hurt."

I folded my arms over my chest, unsure of whether to be mad that he knew who I was or glad that he wouldn't tell my secret. Now that I look back, I think it was a mixture of the two somehow. The expression on my face would've been ridiculous.

"Thanks…I suppose," I muttered, rubbing the back of my neck out of embarrassment.

"Don't thank me," he said calmly. "Thank the Gods that no one else has figured it out yet. They may not be so generous."

I grinned wolfishly, jamming my hands into my pockets as my snark was renewed. "The others are too stupid to figure it out. I mean, have you seen Suigetsu? If I undressed in front of him, he'd probably think I just had some serious man-boobs or something. I swear-"

"It's not the people like Suigetsu you have to worry about."

I cocked my head to side curiously, glancing at the lazy genius through my brown orbs. He continued looking at me through half-lidded, dark eyes. Shaking my head, I shrugged the statement off with a light jolt of my shoulders. Shikamaru would just about be the smartest person here. There was no way I had others to worry about. Pfft. Who was he kidding?

"Whatever," I scoffed. "I'll keep my guard up, but in the meantime I have work to do."

He gave a curt nod in my direction and stalked back to wherever he came from. Before he left my sight, however, he tilted his head a little as so I could see his face. "Don't come to me with your girl problems either, because I know you will."

I grinned. Challenge accepted.

I spent the next few hours doing my duties as a stableboy – exercising the horses, treating Yorukage's wound and whatnot. It wasn't until dusk, when the sun had sunk below the horizon, did I return to the stalls to find –surprise, surprise – Suigetsu lazing in the straw and Juugo standing by one of the horses, petting its forelock. Was I the only one who did the work around here, or was I the only one who made it look like work?

"Hey, Ren," Suigetsu greeted me.

I grunted in reply.

"Neji came by while you were outside," he continued, completely unaffected by my ignorant attitude. "A huge ball is coming up later in the year. It's a big time for us stablemen."

"Yeah?" I said.

"Yeah. It can make us, or it can break us. By break, I mean decapitate."

"You're so astoundingly positive," Juugo piped in with his deep, monotonous voice.

Suigetsu snorted. "Well no point in beating around the bush. If we hadn't told him and it came to the day and he stuffed up, we'd be rid of a good worker."

Jee, thanks Suigetsu. It's nice to think you regard me so highly in your heart.

Taking a seat on an empty barrel, I kicked up my heels and stared at the two as they began to bicker, my eyelids feeling heavy after the long day.

Little did I know of the shit I'd have to put up with in the months to come.

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**(A/N: I'm sorry. I literally have no excuse for taking so long to update and this shit-ass excuse for a chapter. That's all I have to say.**

**Oh! And I've figured out the pairings, so that's all sorted and once the plot starts rollin', I'll be cruisin'.)**


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